1. Is pushing hard humility?
When I get to know people, I frequently get asked why I skipped 9th grade and begin talking.
I started to build my first business, but school didn’t teach me how to get rich. Additionally, you need speed; if you move faster, you’ll get further. Furthermore, I didn’t see what school had to do with my purpose in life.
Also, my older sister had to read Romeo and Juliet. But because it was written in old, cryptic words, I didn’t want to read it, and going straight to 10th grade was the only option. This may sound like a joke, but I don’t play games; I’m a professional.
I, of course, don’t tell them the darker reasons. I hated my classmates; I considered them all losers. None of them had any desire to win big. Being bitter, I needed to make my superiority an objective reality.
I knew that if I didn’t prove my superiority, my life would consist of tea, hobbies, books, movies, an ugly girlboss wife, and a monumental dose of bitterness.
Left with no choice, I kept pushing hard for three years straight. I saw the most beautiful days of my life. I felt genuinely alive because I used every drop of energy. Because my words matched my actions, people began to like me and I started to like myself. I was becoming objectively superior at a speed rarely matched. I grew every day, and hence, I felt at peace.
Is giving your best humility?
Maybe.
When you never waste a second, you truly learn how fragile and misleading most desires are. By living on your edge, you constantly confront your worthiness. You're admitting your shortcomings as long as you keep learning and improving.
Most people? They don’t learn because they think they know better. Some haven’t picked up books in years. They are idle and glorify their laziness. They indulge in every temptation because life is all about fun. They aren’t willing to change anything about themselves – isn’t that arrogance?
Those who don’t give their best also severely overestimate themselves. In 11th grade, we had to write a ten-page paper on any topic. At high school graduation, this was mentioned as an ‘achievement.’ Ten pages? Isn’t that arrogance? In the last two years, I wrote two thousand pages.
So, is giving your best humility?
I don’t know.
Should you be judged on your thoughts or your actions?
If we judge our actions, giving our best is humility.
If we judged on thoughts, my humanity was fake—a means to an end, not a character trait. It was all about me, my journey, and cementing my status.
Then, there was another problem. There was no competition, so I had no counterweight to humble myself to. Because no one was trying, winning was so easy, and my ego grew exponentially.
The inevitable was about to happen.
2. Is a crushed ego humility?
After three years of work, I made almost every conceivable mistake and had to accept the death of my first business. A few days later, heartbreak started to eat me from within. I heard the girl I asked out a few months prior—who I had not gotten over in the slightest—brag about how great her vape friend was.
Considering myself supreme in every regard, I couldn’t comprehend how she was friends with him and not in a relationship with me. What was I dedicating 14-hour days for?
Because it is such a monumental contradiction, I concluded it was the counterweight I needed. My ego was crushed; I was now humble; look at me!
I looked ahead into the future. Everyone promised how great life was when you’re a humble peasant like everyone else. I make no compromise when I say my social life blossomed.
Little did I know the catastrophe awaiting me.
With a crushed ego, I lost the desire to live. I don’t mean this metaphorically. If I was not supreme, I was destined to have a half-fulfilling job as an engineer and an ugly girl boss wife. So, I couldn’t help but lie in bed, depressed, sick, heartbroken, and defeated terribly.
Previously, I used to be known for being insanely aggressive with my time. When someone wants my time, I don’t hesitate to say no. You can’t overstate the irrelevance of almost everything. But now that I was no longer supreme, I began to waste my time, which made me even more miserable.
A crushed ego is no humility; it is pure weakness disguised as character.
I had betrayed my core. I bent my personality to please everyone. Humility was glorified, and I weakened. I followed the way of what was cool. After all, the antichrist says arrogant things all the time, and I didn’t want to be him. Knowing motivation shouldn’t stem from pain, I tried to bend my reality. I tried to have the character I didn’t have to sound mature.
Across every realm, my life declined.
3. To hell with humility
When my ego was crushed, I observed something. A significant contingent of the population behaves like I did after suffering defeat – permanently. They don’t learn, strive, or improve. The implications are interesting: Shouldn’t there be a reason people give up? Unfortunately, no one cares unless, of course, you win big.
Without knowing it, I had mistaken a decimated self for humility. But I had enough. It was time to return. I cannot give up; I cannot fatigue, for my resilience knows no bounds.
12th grade ended, and I was still terribly heartbroken and defeated. But I found a cure: running. In a month, there would be a race. I concluded I would have the perfect outlet to prove my uncompromising excellence and the indomitability of my spirit.
I started to run.
On my 5th run, I ran 10 km in 39 minutes. I couldn’t believe it because some people had been training for years, and I had run just five times. Tell me about imposter syndrome! But perhaps it made sense because I had skipped the gym that day.
The next day, I only ran 3 km because it was storming outside, and I felt like resting. But I didn’t want to be a beta. So, on the rest day, I locked myself up until I recorded ten videos, which took 13 hours.
I continued to train but got sick a week before the race. I was also distracted by the final exams and my driver’s exam. I wanted to quit multiple times because running felt like a waste of time and I preferred the gym anyway.
But then, it was time to race. After training for 30 days and running 15 times, I surpassed 95% of runners. I even beat a classmate who had been training for years and dwelt in the mountains.
My ego was now repaired.
But then, I noticed something. My pride hadn’t returned; my arrogance must have been false - a product of being surrounded by unremarkable people with whom I had nothing in common. I mistook my classmates to reflect the world, not knowing there was more. Thus, I was the biggest fish in a small pond.
I changed my pond, and I was at peace.
Around my friends, I'm lovely - not arrogant, judgmental, cold, and bossy.
4. A challenge awaiting me
You may have wondered whether I had outwardly expressed my pride.
Before I was 13 years old, yes, and it was a colossal mistake. Later, not really, because I didn’t talk to anyone. When I did start to socialize, articulating my superiority became already obsolete—everyone could see who I was.
I know I’ve amounted to something because I no longer talk about my achievements.
However, I face another challenge. University starts in a few weeks, and that’s a problem. Nerds surround me, and I can’t stand most of them. How am I supposed to stay nice?
I face a challenge, but I must rise so immense that my shadow dwarfs it, rendering the obstacle insignificant.
5. Final thoughts
It is easy to ridicule and dismiss one’s past. It’s easy to say my superiority complex was unhealthy, but I must look at the beauty it created and feel gratitude. Likewise, I can be justified in saying my four-year-long self-improvement was selfish – but don’t you better the world by bettering the self?
After my fairly recent fifty rejections project, I also learned I can be gentler and don’t need to fortify my mind. I also learned that humility is about others – as long as I care about others, let me want to rule the world with a soul at peace!
I also learned to accept myself. I don’t have to be the nice guy. I can work with my personality. I don’t have to pretend I'm not fueled by pain to sound mature. I can admit, yes, my superior beliefs make me think I can do anything. But I can also acknowledge that this has been slowly changing for the past six months.
And yes, being the gentleman I am, I thanked the girl who rejected me for my self-improvement. Fun fact: I express gratitude everywhere to prove my superiority across all realms.
Right now, my personality is very fragile. I shut down my second business two weeks ago, and in a few weeks, university will start. Currently, dating is my only desire. I have many uncertainties, but one thing is certain:
Naked I was born, naked I shall die.