I noticed that I had trapped my thoughts in my past glory. How did that happen, you may ask? Well, after many victories, I grew complacent. It is also easier to reflect than it is to predict, especially when times are uncertain, and indeed, they were – but I’ve had enough. To restore harmony in my little universe, I decided to focus on the future.
I decided, and my mind obeyed. Here’s what I’m going to do in the next few months.
1. The vision I had in November
I want to start with a bit of context. Because I moved to a metropolis, I was suddenly surrounded by many people further in life than me, which made me feel threatened. Specifically, I was scared that they would take away all the girls, and I would keep declining. At the time, that made sense because, after my first business's death, I had forgotten how to be indomitable. In other words, I started to procrastinate before doing my homework, which damaged my self-perception. I also felt threatened because everything was new, and I was on my own for the first time in my life. The desire to dominate, which worked wonderfully in my small town, started to work against me: I began to fear people’s judgment because I felt anxious. Hence, I started to be occupied with other people’s opinions and stopped being bold – for boldness carries the potential of embarrassment. Thus, I started to live everyone’s life but my own.
Yet, I’ve overcome that anxiety. I removed the desire to find a girl and became more effective in my work. I also became more active, for example, by holding speeches in front of schools. Also, I learned that others have their struggles and that there are more than enough girls. Thus, I could permit myself to live my own life.
Let me put it differently. Because I didn’t have to dominate, I allowed myself to be imperfect. Because I could be imperfect, I could make mistakes. Because I was permitted to make mistakes, I was allowed to take risks. Because I was open to taking risks, I could be bold – and everything would be in its right place.
As such, after two months of character development, I’m ready to revisit my November vision: finishing university a year faster.
You see, I hesitated to execute my vision, because I thought that if I set myself out to do something, I had to do it; otherwise, I would be considered a coward. But this thinking proved poisonous because it punishes those who want to be bold and creates nearly infinitely high stakes for relatively small risks. Unfortunately, that’s how most people see the world – “Oh, how’s your business doing?” “Well, it failed.” “Ah, I told you; now go back to being a normal kid, don’t embarrass yourself.” But to hell with that! Even if failing makes me look weak, I must try. After all, taking risks is sexy.
Because I’ve opened my mind to the potential of failure, I’ve also opened myself to the possibility of success. Thus, my mind got to work. I realized I could attend lectures of much higher semesters because they should not interfere with my current lectures. Visiting higher semesters should also help me to see the big picture. It is better to get closer to a goal than it is not to start – directional correctness is the way forward. It is better to attend lectures in a higher semester than to do nothing and pretend that I didn’t have a goal in the first place. So, that’s what I will do – I will move in the direction of uncompromising excellence. Even if visiting higher semesters turns out futile, I will have learned something. By going towards my vision, I will demonstrate that I play by my own rules. There’s value in trying to do the impossible.
2. The vision I had in 2020
Another vision conflicts with the first.
In 2020, I set out to become a software entrepreneur. I started to learn how to program at the age of thirteen and even skipped 9th grade to approach that vision faster. I worked on that vision for three years.
Yet, after these three years, a year before university, I shut down my business because I had made almost every single beginner’s mistake; mainly, I built a mental math no one wanted, well actually, three, because I was so spread so thin.
What followed were months of decline and complacency. I wanted to have nothing to do with design and programming anymore, and as a result, my skills started to decline. By the way, that’s why the first few months of university were so bad. Slightly more than a year has passed since the death of my first business. It’s time to revive my vision.
I see how I will continue working on my second product – a mental math app designed for seniors. I see potential in that idea and want to take it much further. I’ve learned my lessons and it’s time to put them into practice.
I must give myself the space to dream. Maybe I will even create videos related to this idea. This time, I shall not be a coward and discuss and present my ideas wherever possible. However, I should clarify that I am much more interested in sharpening my skills than building a business helping seniors with their mental performance – because I must move forward. Opportunities come to those who prepare.
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I have two visions that stand in conflict. How do I unite them? By being a lazy philosopher. I decided that they don’t conflict because my character is being built. Both require my all.
Daring to look ahead opens the possibility of disappointment.
Reflecting on past matters causes complacency.
Which is better?