Reflecting on failures and insecurities only cements self-defeating beliefs. In order for your mind to be still, it must be full directed action.
I failed to live up to my potential for quite some time. I spent a year at war with my body and mind. But I shall speak no more. If I’m reflecting on failure, insecurity, and anxiety, what exactly am I telling my mind? Well, I would be affirming that I’m an idiot – each reflection would be a certificate of weakness.
“Here, you knew the problem and didn’t fix it. You’ve fixed it in the past, but now you’ve fallen off. What a pity. Now, will you improve or waste energy reflecting and then slip back the next second? Well, it’s your fiftieth time reflecting, and now you’re telling me you’ll change? I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Grass that is often tamped does not grow – a trail repeated frequently enough becomes a road. Why, then, should you remind yourself of your failures? If you repeat a thought, it starts to tint your entire reality, and by repeating it, it starts to sneak into your whole existence. “That didn’t go as planned” becomes “I messed up,” and then “Maybe I am indeed a loser.” By the way, reminding yourself of your victories is also not much better, for it will trap you in the past. So, it is better to align every thought with action.
Additionally, it is a mathematical necessity that not every month can be a perfect ten. Half of your days will be below average. That is not to say self-improvement does not matter, because someone’s bottom ten percent day may be someone’s top ten percent day.
When you reflect on a series of bad months, you are essentially giving up your standards for the quality of thoughts that are allowed to enter. Letting a corrosive thought in under the label of ‘reflection’ is like letting a man into your home because your girl says, “Oh my gosh, he’s just a friend, don’t be so insecure.” Then, the average guy will go, “Well, of course, if she says ‘he’s just a friend,’ it must be so! Just be open-minded.” That’s how destructive thoughts work: they don’t storm the gate—they get invited in. But once inside, they demand rights.
If you genuinely wanted to improve, you wouldn’t need to reflect because what should and shouldn't be avoided. Otherwise, how could there be rich idiots? Maybe they understand that life isn’t that deep? Every time you reflect without any actual intention to improve, you’re handing over another key to your castle. You don’t need to allow her ‘friend’ to enter, just as you don’t need to let in hostile thoughts. Most suffer from the superstition that if you don’t stress, worry, or concern, and don’t allow insecure, anxious, and frustrated thoughts to enter, something bad will happen. – But guess what – it won’t. There’s only one exception. If your life is a mess and you need monumental activation energy, you’ll ‘need’ hostile thoughts. Otherwise, free your spirit and it shall blossom.
Finally, what makes you think that you’re thinking the right things? Most people suck at asking and answering deep questions. Whenever I get to read a reflection, I only see stereotypes, memorised catch phrases, and shallow, pseudo-intellectual insights. It’s the same with spirituality – seeking the sublime and beautiful becomes astrology.
“I’ve been on such a journey lately. I realized that life is all about making choices and learning from them. Even the tough moments have shaped me into who I am. There are no wrong decisions—only lessons. I used to doubt myself, but now I see that everything happens for a reason...”
I would call this phenomenon blue pill realism. That means the submissive, feminine, romantic way to view reality is assumed to be the default perspective, the heavenly reality, if you will. Here’s my favorite blue pill realist take: “Power is evil.” Is it? Basic thinking shows that it’s a duality. Yet, when people say ‘power is evil,’ they mean to say that violent oppression is evil. But they don’t see the nuance. Unfortunately, I’m not immune to this, and most of my reflections are superstition over superstition. But there’s a difference: I talk to people about my illusions, and I have no interest in cuddling. So here’s a practical tip: assume that most of your ‘revelations’ are false. Furthermore, assume that most of your questions are wrong or irrelevant. Learn to separate nuance from slogans.
Most reflections and ideologies that they are subject to are contrary to human nature. The best example is: “He’s just a friend.” You must invert your worldview to even consider reflecting on such a topic. Your mental health will let you pay the price. Other examples are more subtle. Instead of inversion, they contain concepts that do not exist. For example, motivation does not exist. It’s either you do it or you don’t. Intellectualising is perhaps the biggest fallacy of all. Did anyone ever say that overthinking is sexy?
Here’s another practical tip: your reflections must be aligned with a goal. I could ask myself, “Am I happy?” or I could ask myself, “Am I talking to enough people?” – Which of those questions will bring me closer to my goals? The second one. If I were to reflect on the first one for long enough, I would eventually conclude that I’m depressed. If I reflect on any vague idea, I will end up confused. For what? Someone may ask, ‘Well, is it not better to be a miserable human than it is to be a happy pig?’ They surely will feel smart asking a stupid question. The answer is simple: someone has to be the most fulfilled person on the planet. Why can’t it be you? Once again, you’re falling victim to the blue pill realism: you assume that the deep truth inflicts pain only because that's essentially what popular culture says every day. Who is to say that pop culture is right? Any rational perspective can be argued against, so why accept the ‘rational’ perspective that truth brings misery?
There’s no reason for any particular thought to be true. Fundamentally, reflection exists in the realm of fantasy, and most fantasies are useless. You can reflect all day long, but most of the time, you already know the answer. In my case, I was expecting peak performance whilst lacking real purpose and being at unrest from the uncertainty that came from moving out. That’s about as much reflection as I need. I’m tired of listing reasons for my failure because if listing reasons worked, I wouldn’t need to have listed them. Can’t I just move on with peace? It’s unbelievable.
I must stress again: your attention is one of the most precious assets you have. If we put you in a brain scanner, we could measure your brain waves. They indicate what you’re thinking about something. That means, from a purely materialistic perspective, what you focus on determines your reality, even if for a brief moment. Picture this: the first person doesn’t care about sleeping well, the second person obsesses over sleep. After all, the axioms allow us to derive that sleep is important. Which person would suffer more if they slept two hours less than expected? It’s obvious the second one because that would occupy his mind for the entire day. But for what? That’s going to reduce his mental capacity by ten percent. Why suffer where you don’t have to? What you focus on becomes your day, your reality, your future.
I admit that most things I said are easier said than done – but what doesn’t? What deserves your attention must earn it. All other things must be dropped. Reflection is good when you have a question, not when you’re digging in wounds whilst trying to comfort yourself. Quite the opposite. Real reflection brings you closer to the divine – thus, it hurts. But you must stop confronting your shortcomings and actually focus on getting better.
I can tell you: once you actually start to focus on getting better, your mind will be nearly empty. For example, in the last text, I mentioned that I’m talking to enough girls. A week later, I got over it. I talked to one girl today and five guys at the gym. Now, it is easier to talk to more girls. There is not much else to say about it. Indeed, real insight simplifies reality.