Love in the cold and dark universe
I cannot give up; I cannot fatigue, for my resilience knows no bounds.
I love her; I do. Why should I pretend I don’t? I asked her out eight months ago and got rejected. Unfortunately, I have not been able to let go in the slightest. In these eight months, I’ve been split between my mind and heart because I discovered a few things I didn’t like. Despite everything, I must accept that my feelings were true. So, I made a decision. I concluded that I loved her and that I must do something about it.
It took very little perspicacity to identify the best conceivable move. I decided to ask her out once more. That’s what I did. I got rejected once more. In parallel, I wrote a love letter, a true marvel, considered the best text I had ever written by those who read it. I originally wanted to give this love letter to her while asking her out that second time, but I didn’t get it done on time. So, I gave it to her the next time I saw her. The love letter yielded no success either.
After the love letter, a friend of hers told me that she didn’t love me because she supposedly didn’t know me. Her friend also told me that she was waiting for university and that 12th grade was almost over. This friend also tried to explain that this girl didn’t want to hurt me and acknowledged how much that whole situation mattered to me, thus she still appreciated my efforts. I knew for a fact that none of this was true. – Since when does love wait?
So, what was I now meant to do?
The brave thing.
I invited my friends, her friend, and her to my home party. I still got rejected—the third rejection within a week.
I decided never to try again. I, Kiryl P., failed to convince her. I must now accept my defeat and let go in honor. I had done everything I could and there was nothing left.
Despite being rejected four times, I still couldn’t fully let go. That would take time. But now I was free of regret. That’s what being young is for. I believe that if you always do the brave thing, show up, pay attention, put in the work, and live with a pure heart, it’s impossible to fail in the long run.
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What’s not cringe? Perhaps showing your authentic emotions is never cringe.
You can’t teach passion. You can only choose to follow it or not—good luck ignoring your love! There’s a force inside everyone; you may as well call it God. No matter how hard you try, you can't make yourself interested in something or someone. It either comes naturally or it doesn’t. You can’t choose what gets you in a flow and what doesn’t. Ignoring your passion will destroy your universe; every day will be a battle against the current. God made a decision, and you are powerless. I saw how ignoring my desire ate me from within. Hence, I had no other choice.
Well then, what about ‘respecting her boundaries’? Is it disrespectful to tell someone you love them? – I don’t think so. There are things more important than being nice. Two weeks ago, I confessed to another girl, also her friend, that I used to have a crush on her. I initially hesitated because I worried it was somehow disrespectful – I feared it would damage her. It turns out that the opposite was true; she felt appreciated. Unless someone is fat, ugly, and useless, I don’t think that telling a girl you love her is disrespectful in any regard.
I frequently ask myself, what’s the better story? I believe that fighting for her heart at sixteen years old is a cute memory. For her, it’s just a “no.” For me, it’s a story.
What happens to your self-perception if you keep hesitating? It collapses. What happens to your self-perception if you do, even if the probable outcome is failure? You gain status. Do you not think that others will notice that unapologetic determination? What does unapologetic determination show everyone else?
What would I do if I couldn’t fail? What would I do if no one was watching? What would I do if I felt no fear? Most of those who fought failed. But who cares? Most things in life don’t matter, but love is not one of them. I was convinced she was the one. What wait for?
Such is the way of the indomitable spirit.