1. They are not my friends.
Before I skipped 9th grade, I had, if you will, some ‘friends.’ We would even meet sometimes! In between the lessons, we would talk and share jokes, for example, about your mom. Since pretty much grade five, a girl and I had a crush on each other.
So, what happened after I skipped 9th grade?
Well, I learned that nothing is real.
We weren’t actually friends. Nothing truly bound us except our sitting in one room and the relentless pursuit of cringe jokes. We didn’t really care about each other. We were only together because of convenience.
Also, having a crush on someone doesn't necessarily mean that’s true love. There's a subtle difference between dreaming of their charm, warmth, and touch and truly desiring their presence in your life. I stopped thinking about her the day I left 8th grade, and perhaps she did the same. Isn’t love supposed to move mountains? – Here, it just ended.
I struggle to believe I'm the only one with this experience. Most of the people one spends time with aren’t one’s friends. Even being at their birthday party doesn’t mean you’re friends. As of today, after three years of self-improvement, I'm guilty of constantly speaking to classmates I actively dislike because isolation isn’t fun.
Someone I know goes to my village's football team, and he’s one of the referees. Sometimes, his soccer club visits us. Don’t get me wrong, these people are very friendly, but I still don’t believe that’s a true friendship because there’s nothing deeper than unifying them. I doubt they would come along sober, without alcohol.
It gets far worse with female-female friendships. The pretty one knows she’s pretty, and the ugly knows she’s ugly. The pretty one reassures the ugly one that they are both beautiful. When they fight out of nothing, it turns out that the pretty one finds the ugly one ugly. --- Of course, that’s an oversimplified view because everyone knows how complicated women are, so here’s another observation. --- Sometimes, a group of women comes together; they all secretly hate each other, and they know it. Then, they let the plot unveil. --- I’m an oracle. So, I’ve found another truth. Because women might secretly hate each other, they also want someone who might secretly love them. --- So, in my infinite wisdom, I have not elevated my insight to a sufficient level to understand how women can be friends.
Is friendship about spending time or caring about each other?
I’m a true philosopher. Here’s a good meditation.
Would you let your friend spend time with your children?
2. Friend or enemy?
Do they support your ambitions or drag you down so that you turn normal and grow up?
Are people opposed to your goals, your friends, or enemies?
3. How I got over my supposed friends
There are two ways. Are you a man or a girl?
Admittedly, I’ve used the girl approach. I simply stopped showing interest, and we naturally stopped spending time together. My committed self-improvement put the nail in the coffin because now I had in common with them. There wasn’t a lot of resistance because we weren’t truly friends in the first place. In the end, the natural course of things completed the task.
Sometimes, I wish my life turned out differently because I know people who’ve been friends since kindergarten, and that must be truly beautiful. Deep bonds and long-lasting, genuine relationships are one of, if not the best experience possible. But that’s not how my life turned out, and that’s okay. Leaving people behind is part of life.
The manly approach is to be straight up and tell them what you’re up to. You can tell them that you’ve enjoyed spending time together and that it is time to move on. I recommend doing it to get over it quickly and to avoid delays.
If you are hesitant, remember that your former friend group will not collapse without you. Also, after a week, they will have pretty much forgotten about you. Yes, being alone is scary—but sometimes necessary.
What’s the biggest thing holding you back? What is the one conversation that would change your life? What would you do if you weren’t scared?
4. Friends with losers?
If you are the average of the five people you spend time with, can you be friends with people below your status? – Well, ... On each women’s day, my great-grandfather, a businessman, gifted the biggest bouquet to the cleaning lady.
5. Saving the doomed?
Don’t push your help, but…
Here’s my story. From age twelve, I’ve not been social. That had a few reasons. Firstly, the schools were closed in 2020 and parts of 2021. Also, at age 13, in December 2020, I got on self-improvement and wasn’t very interested in spending time with losers – with that attitude, it should be clear why I was isolated. Furthermore, I was pretty traumatized, for example, from living in a homeless shelter at age ten, getting bullied in school, and being emotionally abused at home. That means my social skills didn’t exist, and I wasn’t particularly interested either.
Then, in December of 2022, I randomly sat next to a guy with the physique of a Greek god. We started to, which was the first step towards becoming social for me. If it was not for his open-mindedness and compassion, I wouldn’t have begun to develop socially, and it may have been the last and only chance. Luckily, I didn’t miss it. One push as smooth as a butterfly's landing was all I needed.
So, maybe give help where you can… It’s sometimes successful.
6. Can men and women be friends?
I can’t be friends with hot blondes. The polarity is too large, which means the difference in energy is so large that nothing but attraction is felt. Friends mean side by side, and I don’t believe this is possible with women who ignite a flame in me.
7. I don’t believe in girl-‘friend’
A few days ago, I saw a 14-year-old with a blonde girlfriend in the bookstore. She was clearly dominant because she was magnitudes more attractive than him. They went through the store, and she kept explaining to him what books she liked and what she wanted him to buy.
This experience reminded me how important it is to keep pushing my self-improvement. I couldn’t imagine a relationship where you shop, discuss books and go to the cinema. I can’t comprehend how that’s supposed to be fun. How in the world can some men prefer going to the cinema over pursuing self-mastery? How can shopping with your girlfriend be better than meditation in the snow? I don’t get it, and I have zero interest in understanding it.
I don’t like the word “girlfriend,” as it implies a childish way of spending time void of pure attraction. Instead of girlfriend, I use the words ‘love,’ ‘future wife,’ or ‘hot blonde.’
My ideal relationship has nothing to do with being friends. My perfect relationship consists of me pursuing excellence and then seeing the adoration in the eyes of my blonde.
8. How to get good friends
Be a better friend yourself. Call that person and ask how he is doing. Make little gifts to demonstrate goodwill. Trust attracts trust; support attracts support; authenticity attracts authenticity. Humility literally means caring more about others. Don't be complicated. In friendship, similar people attract each other; hence, be a good friend to have good friends.
Once you leave your room, great people are everywhere.
It's phenomenal to have friends who you can trust, motivate and support.
Friendships take time, and I think it’s better to go deep, not wide.