I tell my stories, yet this blog is truly not about me: I want to build people up; I want to elevate. I seek to fortify the minds of those who seek to conquer the battles that lie ahead. Thank you to everyone who ever helped me.
Thank you to everyone who ever helped me.
Today, I meditated for the first time in months.
The first week of the 2nd/6th semester almost passed, and I'm already in a rhythm, which will enable me to progress with ease. I'm also pleased to learn that many subjects don't have exams but rather projects, many of which lie outside the exam period. One of my professors also has printed versions of his presentations, which will significantly speed up my learning because I can comprehend printed material much better. Unlike the first semester, there was no point in any lecture where I didn't know what each professor was talking about. So, things look good.
It’s been a few days since my 2nd and 6th semester started, and indeed, my predictions were right – my mind is at peace. I am pointed at the present with a taste for the future, which is monumentally superior to the first semester, which proved so underwhelming that I got trapped in the past. Finishing university at nineteen or twenty years old is very realistic considering I had no problems following the lectures. Now I’m also going to church quite often, and generally, my everyday life is extremely simple.
Although - the kids in the 6th semester don’t like me. I asked three people to get an invite for the group chat, and all refused. Yesterday, as I entered the lecture, one girl whispered ‘this guy again,’ her voice filled with such annoyance that I her supposed whisper. I don’t know whether they know who I am, do they know that I’m 17? I also don’t know if they understand what my goals are. I won’t try to explain that I’m looking for spiritual revelations. Nevertheless, their annoyance validates me; though it is unlikely to last because it would be dishonourable for me to compete with a bunch of twenty-two-year-old women.
Let's go!
I spent the majority of my two week holidays studying for the next semester. Those were the most peaceful and fullfilling days of this year so far. I had not completed my preparation, yet, today was last day reserved for preparation. Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.
It feels like half an eternity passed since the last time I wrote – but it’s only been a week. I got in a decent routine where I would get up at 6-ish, eat breakfast, and make my way to the library. I read on my way there. Then, I usually study for three hours straight, eat lunch in the nearby cafeteria, go for a little walk, and continue to study less intensely until I return home a few hours later.
Overall, I’ve made decent progress in studying the contents of the semester to come. Yet, I have some news: after seeing the new schedules, I realized they are a massive obstacle to my plan to finish university earlier. There are two significant problems: First, out of the few subjects I can study without much preparation, none are when I have off. Second, most of the subjects left don’t exist in the higher semesters because my degree program is so new. I will have to figure something out. If I don’t, the first semester will repeat, and I don’t want that – the first semester was unsatisfying because I didn’t have too much to do, but I also didn’t have enough time and energy to dedicate myself to other things – that made me become apathetic towards life. I also don’t want to embarrass myself; hence, I have to figure out a solution.
Altogether, I learned more in the two weeks after the exams than in the exam-month because my mental health improved. That means, in any case, having that goal served me.
A few days ago, I started to study for the upcoming semester. Now I'm at the library and it is completely empty. Is it not easy when there's no competition? Mediocre goals are the most crowded, aren't they?
Tip: Read on the computer to enhance comprehension and focus.
Bonus Tip.
Bookmark this page ;-)
Chapter 13. 6th semester at 17 years old
Chapter 12. Discipline and peace.
Chapter 11. At university. Gaining upward momentum.
Chapter 10. Moving away from my parents. Confusion. A identy crisis and the death of my second business.
Chapter 9. Joy after returning to strength and overcoming a year of heartbreak. Holidays between school and university.
Chapter 8. Returning to strength and the end of 12th grade.
Chapter 7. Because I failed to resolve that inner conflict around her, I felt very depressed.
Chapter 6. The girl’s behavior drastically shifted after I published chapter 5, which made me think she was interested in me. That created a battle between my heart and mind, which led to a creative peak. Meanwhile, I was physically sick for months and couldn't go to the gym.
Chapter 5. The first time I stop trying to impress the girl I want.
Chapter 4. A month after the failure of my first business, and being heartbroken for four months, I try to return to strength multiple times.
Chapter 3. After working on my app business for three years and seeing it fail, I had a very blissful time. In the background, I grew increasingly weaker.
Chapter 2. A cute little story.
Chapter 1. A summer starting with heartbreak, burnout, and then hardcore discipline and deep bliss. These texts were clearly meant to impress the girl who rejected me.
Peak wordcount
June 2024: 289,700
Current wordcount
September 2024: 101,200
Why are some numbers missing?
Because these texts were unessential or I was to lazy to edit
them.
The story of this blog
On a Wednesday evening, back when I was 16, I got the idea to start a
blog. By Thursday
noon, I had written and published three texts. The next day, I got a rejection. Thus, my blog became a testament
to
the indomitability of my spirit.
With love, Kiryl P., 2024
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