Kiryl P.

26.11.2025

Given yesterday’s post, I want to summarize and expand the text titled ‘Golden insecurities.’ It has the slogan: ‘Enjoy your insecurities because you may never have them again.’ I argued that insecurities motivate you, that they no longer affect you when you’re seeing upward momentum, and, most importantly, that insecurities provide a perspective on life most people will never have. Imagine listing your current insecurities and problems every month and seeing them change. You see, insecurities reveal a lot than memories. Memories only capture snapshots, which may or may not have anything to do with reality. Yet, insecurities capture what you spend your days thinking about.

25.11.2025

Today, I have reached another breakthrough. Seconds after I had started to meditate, my inner monologue went silent. That’s remarkable, because that usually takes around fifteen minutes and I had only been mediating consistently for a month. After I had then continued to mediate, something clicked inside me – I remained present and felt effortless. Six hours later, I am still present. It feels amazing. When I read, for example, I can immerse myself so deeply that I feel true joy. Such is the beauty of life: Once you figure out one thing, it becomes easier to figure out the next and then it becomes even easier to make progress from there. Life is exponential.

The question is, what will I overcome next? Well, I don’t have ‘a biggest thing holding me back,’ but rather twenty smaller items. Today, I posted them on my wall in case I feel bored. For example, I’m sick all the time. Hence, I sit too much and see too little sun. I wake up three times each night. I have lost so much muscle! I still waste time with people I don’t like. I have immense inertia in the morning. My social skills have been deteriorating since September. My to-do lists are unclear. Yet, I am enthusiastic: there’s so much progress to be made.

Writing about my flaws makes me less sexy, ‘I have lost my six pack,’ but I can risk that because I am so certain that I’ll get over it. I will unlearn the wrong lessons I learned in 2024 and 2025, and continue writing my story.

24.11.2025

Here’s how I coped with my most recent rejection. Instead of thinking, ‘She rejected me,’ I disciplined myself to think, ‘She made a decision for me, that means I no longer have to decide and that’s okay.’ This is, by the way, why I did not write about happiness in the last few days.

Let me tell you something else. Despite having been rejected a bit over a hundred times now, every now and then, life still gets into my mind. This is because everything in life is rented, everything that is not maintained deteriorates, like the ablity to get rejected, akin to the motto, ‘What do you fear losing so much when you were born naked?’

I’m still glad I tried, because that’s superior to obsessing ‘does she like, does she like me not.’ In a world of endless interpretations, and without the ability to know which ones are true, we can derive that everything is possible. (In other words, it was a rejection-without-a-rejection) Hence: Never reject yourself.

20.11.2025

Kiss your limits.

18.11.2025

Meditated for 90 minutes straight.

16.11.2025

On Thursday, I wrote ‘I hate mixed signals. I am tired of playing games.’ That made me wonder – have I become weak? So, I put myself to the test. For one weekend, I had to live perfectly.

Friday hit like a hammer. I woke up with the irresistible urge to fall back into the habits that wrecked me from November 2023 to August 2025. The pull was brutal, unlike anything I had seen in a long time. Even meditation didn’t dissipate it. Here I was, at war with my mind. The demons were getting stronger. Every second was a duel – and every second I thought I was going to lose.

But I didn’t. I held the line. I was at war with my mind and I had won!

Saturday and Sunday rewarded me for it. I not only got a lot done, but also lived in presence and gratitude. Just now, I sat at a lake and watched the sun set while feeling perfect bliss.

If I had lost? I know exactly what that is—I lived it for two straight years. I refuse to go back.

People might shrug and say, ‘So what? You won once.’ They miss the point. August through October were disciplined but this was different. This was the old demons returning with full force – and I won.

My addictions are now gone. I am free. I am excited for the future.